A BOY, A BIKE AND A REALLY BIG HILL

This one is not about running. It's about feeling like you're going to break. Literally. That feeling that you are going to blow a gasket, crack a manifold, fall to pieces, go up in flames...

The picture above shows the last quarter mile of a brutal climb called App Gap in Vermont. This summer I biked it with my brother-in-law. It is the same road one would take to ski at Mad River Glen. At some points, it is beyond a 10% grade.

I have a standard high end road bike. A Seven titanium cycle. With Shimano Ultegra components. It is for all intents and purposes what pros would ride. There are no granny gears.

That day on the gap was without a doubt an pure experiment in pain acceptance. My breathing could not have been deeper or more involuntary. I was desperate for oxygen. My lungs felt like they were lunging out of my body. I felt like I was going to break. I felt that this is too much for a man my age. I worried, a couple of times, that I just might have a cardiac arrest. Every children's story about "I think I can" was set to repeat in my head. I almost cried. I did not stop. I hammered to the top. And then kept rolling down the other side, this time at 50mph while I recovered.

All mountain passes fuck with you. Mentally, physically, emotionally. They are latent with pain. And they are totally indifferent to your success or failure. They just don't give a shit.

You control the experiment. You control the pain. You control your acceptance.

What are your experiments in pain acceptance?

RUNNING FROM OR CHASING AFTER?

I started running when I was 17. 1982.

I started running because I liked to smoke pot.

I started running because I needed to run away from the prying eyes of school security guards and questioning parents.

In boarding school in CT, a friend and I would take off down the road, after classes, sealed joints in secret pockets. A white Ford bronco driven by the school rent-a-cops would follow us for a mile or so and then turn around. At about three miles, there was a cemetery where my running partner, a.k.a. pot smoking partner, and I would light up behind a tombstone.

After burning a few, we'd continue on for six or so more miles. We kept running because we smelled like the inside of a boogie van at a Blue Oyster Cult concert, as well as looked like we'd been looking into the sun for way too long.

But as we continued on our run through the Connecticut countryside, something funny would happen to me. Having completed our mission -- to get high -- we were no longer running from anything anymore. We were just running. And then there would be a moment when I'd feel like I was chasing after something though I could never quite figure what exactly I was chasing.

Every run had this dynamic. It would start off as running from something. It would end as chasing after something.

I no longer run from rent-a-cops in white Ford broncos. I no longer run to smoke pot. But I still have lots of things everyday that I want to run from.

Fear makes me run from things. Strength makes me chase after things. Running makes me feel strong. Running transforms my fear into strength.

AN INTRODUCTION: I'M A HUMAN BEING

What’s this blog all about?

Let's start with the fact that I'm a human being (though I often, jokingly, feel I'm not of this earth). Being human is nothing I can take credit for. It just happened to me. Maybe if I had a choice, I'd be something different; a dolphin maybe, or a wolf. But here I am alive and well as homo sapien. It is a supreme blessing to feel the coursing pulse of life, and a cruel trick to live knowing it will end. To be human is to feel both the profound joy and sadness of life. We all give up the things we love. Our bottles. Our pacifiers. Our blankies. Our toys. Our lovers. Our family. And eventually our lives. And it sucks every time. So in between life and death is living - daily efforts at clarity, purpose, meaning, progress, contentment, pleasure and happiness. And there are no answers. So we head out into the hodgepodge of humanity with our bodies, brains and souls to do business with life. We're all out there just trying to make some meaning.

Some find answers from religion, some in their jobs, some in therapy, some from science, philosophy, history and lots of other things. But for me, though, being physically active, doing athletic things, pushing my body physically, helps me better understand, if only for moments at a time, what it means to be human.

Literally speaking, when I run, bike, swim, climb, lift, jump, hit, kick, push, pull, balance, leap, etc., I learn about life because I feel more alive, more in tune, more fit with my environment. I learn about endurance, stamina, strength, flexibility, power, speed, coordination, sensitivity, healing, breakdown, agility, balance and precision. These things come in through the body, but they linger in the mind long after the workout is done.

Which brings me to the point of this project and this blog. I want to know what being athletic helps people understand about being human. I'm making the assumption that being an athlete or doing athletic things is a microcosm of being human.

So, on this blog I want people to do five things:

1. Share your run or workout for the day
2. Share what aspect of fitness it addressed such as speed, endurance, strength, agility, etc.
3. Share how you felt and what you thought about when doing it
4. Share any observations you might have had about what it means to you beyond just the exercise
5. Please respond to each other